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24 Feb 2009

My MP is having a laugh. Surely?

Today I received this email, and I was in equal measures incredibly amused and horrified.....

"Re : Mr X, Old Tenancy at xxxx address (ie one of my rentals)
Dear Ms Astley
I am writing to you on behalf of my above named constituent, who lived in the above named property up to the 5th dec 2006, when he was arrested for growing cannabis in the loft and had to leave the property.
At the time, Mr x could not afford to pay for the damage done to the property and left a cello and a cine camera in your possession as insurance against his debts.
I understand that these events took place over 3 years ago, however my constituent would like a copy of the invoices for work done to rectify this damage, and whether you still had the cello and cine camera in your possession.
I look forward to your response.
Yours Sincerely 
John Leech MP"

You couldn't make it up could you? The guy wrecks my flat converting it into a skunk factory, then gets it ransacked by Manchester CID, gets sent down leaving unpaid rent..... and when he comes out, gets representation from our local Liberal MP..... priceless.

1 comment:

  1. My response:
    Dear Mr Leech

    I am so sorry that my actions have ensured you felt duty bound to act on behalf of this drug dealing, cannabis harvesting pillar of society. Clearly there are no matters more pressing in our community for you to waste your time on; the real financial difficulties of your constituents, the high level of crime in my area, sky high burglary rates, failing small businesses in the area etc.

    It was quite clearly a traumatic time for Mr Wright, the day he 'had to leave the property'. I feel extremely rude that I did not consider his feelings more, busy as I was dealing with over 15 officers and CID, and four police vans outside my property; as the other tenants of the building wondered was the hell was happening; as the contents of the flat were paraded in front of the neighbours; and parts of the property were taken away as evidence.

    How awful for Mr X that he didn't manage to make enough money from his illegal activities to enable him to contribute to the damage he caused to my property: the total rewire which was needed after his botched job of diverting electrical wires all over the flat, his rewiring the heating to warm his roof space plants, knocking holes through walls, boxing off ventilation fans, and ruining the front door. Together with owed rent, this totalled over £1000. He should maybe make a complaint to the job centre that they don't have a course on How To Run a Successful Drug Growing Business.

    Of course I totally understand why Mr X has made absolutely no effort to contact me in the last 3 1/2 years, and make the payments due. Oh, I'm sorry, I forget, I did get a letter from a solicitor in 2006 instructing me that Mr X wanted his personal possessions back, but when I wrote giving full details and asking for full settlement of the amount owed, I never heard from them again.

    Copy invoices? I will dig them out! And gladly accept full payment of £1020 in return for the items which were left with me expressly in lieu of the money owed.

    Please don't hesitate to contact me in the future if your office feels the need to represent any other junkie, criminal or misfit, and you feel I will could be of any assistance.

    Yours sincerely

    Sian Astley