"Re : Mr X, Old Tenancy at xxxx address (ie one of my rentals)
Dear Ms Astley
I am writing to you on behalf of my above named constituent, who lived in the above named property up to the 5th dec 2006, when he was arrested for growing cannabis in the loft and had to leave the property.
At the time, Mr x could not afford to pay for the damage done to the property and left a cello and a cine camera in your possession as insurance against his debts.
I understand that these events took place over 3 years ago, however my constituent would like a copy of the invoices for work done to rectify this damage, and whether you still had the cello and cine camera in your possession.
I look forward to your response.
John Leech MP"
You couldn't make it up could you? The guy wrecks my flat converting it into a skunk factory, then gets it ransacked by Manchester CID, gets sent down leaving unpaid rent..... and when he comes out, gets representation from our local Liberal MP..... priceless.